Apparently I have a knack for starting things and not finishing/continuing them.
Here's hoping consistency and inspiration are more abundant this year.
Fingers crossed that there are no more distractions, or better yet, that I stop being so easily distracted.
Saturday, February 20, 2016
|Photo taken from Heritage's FB page|
Here's where I've been spending most of my time shooting, editing and helping out with random online things for the gallery. What I love about this place is that you will never run out of interesting things to see. Growing up in this business is what made me realize that art isn't just what you see hanging on the walls. It's an experience.
The second floor
Tuesday, February 16, 2016
My mind is on overdrive right now, which is normal considering it's past midnight and unfortunately for me, my brain fancies itself a night owl.
I'm running different scenarios or possible short stories in my head. Why? My cousin and I are planning on doing a joint project where I'll do the writing and she'll do the illustrating. We used to do this stuff all the time when we were kids, so it's kind of cool that we're collaborating on something again.
We don't really plan on doing anything with it, other than challenge each other. There are so many things I want to write that I don't even know where to begin.
Tuesday, January 26, 2016
Saturday, January 23, 2016
If I manage to fall asleep at this very moment, I can still have at least 6 hours of sleep and I won't look like a zombie.
Why do we count sheep?
One... Two... Three... Where did that tractor come from?
*sings* want to be the very best, like no one ever was...
Is that a face on the ceiling?
Keep your eyes closed and you'll be fine.
As long as in under this blanket, I'll be fine. Monsters can't get me here... right?
Think happy thoughts. Bright, happy, sunshiney thoughts. La la la la...
It's cold. I have to pee.
*sings* Some day somebody's gonna make you wanna turn around and say goodbye~
I can see my neighbor's light through my window. It's annoying me.
Trunks has awesome purple hair. I should try that this year. Maybe get an Android 18-inspired bob as well. Hmm... I can dye it Majin Buu pink.
Why does my brain have to bring up every embarrassing/stupid thing I've ever said and done?
How is it that some people can fall asleep within a few minutes? I'm absolutely exhausted but I just can't seem to fall asleep.
For the record, I think I've been talking to myself for the past hour... Or two hours? Or thirty minutes? I have no idea.
If I was in the Slytherin dorm right now, would the merpeople/giant squid be tapping at the window, forcing me to stay awake?
Hogwarts, Hogwarts, Hoggy Warty Hogwarts...
I'm a night owl.
I think owls are my spirit animal. I should take a quiz to verify that.
Must resist urge to check phone.
Aww, man. Why the heck did I do that? Any ounce of sleepiness is now gone.
*hums numerous cartoon theme songs*
Oh hey, I think I'm kinda tired now. Sleep... Sleep... Sleep...
My knee hurts.
I'm hungry and I want buffalo wings. Or
Tex-Mex chili. Or an enchilada.
How would I investigate a murder?
What's the difference between murder and manslaughter?
Why the heck am I thinking of that at this hour?
I wonder what it would be like to be a Russian spy.
I want to learn Russian.
Sleep. I need sleep.
Hi, brain. Please shut up now. I have to be up early tomorrow. Well, actually later...
Ooohhh just thought of something brilliant. I need a pen and paper.
Aaaaaaand I lost it. It's just one of those days when your body refuses to cooperate with your mind.
I don't know why I bother. My brain doesn't listen to me anyway.
Cue even more embarrassing experiences.
Dick move. Those are things I'd rather forget.
What's the Spanish word for library again?
I can't believe I forgot biblioteca. I sing the Spanish rap all the freaking time.
あるこう あるこう 私は元気。
I've been yawning but I'm still awake. Why?!
I give up. I freaking give up. There's no way that I'll fall asle
Thursday, January 21, 2016
I was going through my mailbox because there was so much crap that I needed to delete, when I came across something in my drafts folder. Lo and behold, I found the resignation letter that I wrote to my former employer that I wrote a few months into that job. I had gone through hell and back, and I was close to breaking point. God knows how I managed to stick it out for so long after that.
It was mentally and emotionally like a roller coaster ride from the depths of hell. It had its highs and lows, and just when you thought it was all over, the vomit-inducing aspect of it all hit you right smack in the face (although not literally because that would have been disgusting). It eventually all came to an end when it just wasn't working anymore and (what was left of) my sanity took over, screaming at me to get out of there and save myself.
Most of the things in this letter no longer applies to how I feel towards my former colleagues, but back then... Man, I really wanted to murder someone.
Dear Office,I'm fickle and I know it. When things seem lousy I always say that I want to leave. Sometimes I'll try to convince myself that it's not that bad but enough is enough. I can't take it anymore. The job is challenging, but that's about all it is. It's not exciting, it's repetitive and honestly, unnecessarily stressful. It has gotten to the point that I am actually happy whenever I am sick just because I get to miss work. I don't feel a sense of satisfaction with this job. I don't see myself doing this in the long run.The environment is horrible. It's like working in an aquarium. Despite the claustrophobia-inducting design that forces you to work alongside each other, human interaction is apparently a rare thing. When I applied and was accepted, I was told that everyone was quiet and introverted. I was fine with that. Heck, being an introvert myself I can probably say that I was looking forward to it. Unfortunately too much of a good thing is a bad thing. While the office is subdued, it will get to you after a while. It is so mind-numbingly quiet that if you drop a pin on the carpeted floor it will echo. On a daily basis, the most you will possibly ever hear are the clicking of the keyboards, the occasional obnoxiously loud ring tone, and sometimes... the sound of an actual human voice.During the few instances that I do get to interact with some people in the immediate vicinity, it is via telephone. I happen to think it's idiotic because I can just stand up, turn around and tadah! There you are. But I guess some of you like using the phones since it's more... professional. I just think it's pretentious, stupid and a waste of time. If talking to someone a few feet away will bother others, then get up and walk over to the person that you want to talk to. Almost all of you whine about being fat and having to work out anyway. Walking burns calories so get to it. You can walk straight into moving traffic for all I care.Maybe I deserve this solitary work environment since it's been several months and until now I remain detached with no close personal relations. I admit that I'm a snob. I am not a warm and friendly person so don't expect me to mingle with all of you. If I were being completely honest, I'd say that though your devotion to your job is admirable but I find some of you vapid and insipid. I don't see why I should subject myself to that. I don't enjoy listening in on your mundane lunchtime chatter... which is the only time that I think you all actually talk to each other. The subject matter either pisses me off (there was this one time that you kept saying wrong things about Harry Potter and I swear if I had a wand I would Avada Kedavra your sorry asses) or bore me to tears.Thankfully I'm usually left alone. I do remember this one time where the new girl was "brave" enough to try to approach me and make small talk. However she started it off by asking why I was always alone and telling me that one of the IT people warned her not to talk to me since I don't speak Tagalog. Maybe she was just trying to be nice but do I really seem like the type of person who would appreciate small-talk at 8am, especially if it involves my lack of Filipino skills? Not all of you are that obnoxious though. There are some people here that can provide intelligent conversation that don't center on work or whatever crap it is that the V&I people go through. But it's not enough. I don't think there is anything that would make you want to stay in this soul-sucking hellhole.I also have this distinct feeling that the office psycho perfectionist is out to get me. Our interactions are civil at best, but she has taken to using a biting and frosty tone with me. I'm not sensitive and can usually take a lot, but damn if I have to put up with her all-knowing, holier-than-thou (and not in the Jesus-is-the-way kind) attitude any longer. I don't think there's ever been a time where she did not criticize me, wrong or right. Way to boost morale and motivate employees. Whatever. Am I being an unreasonable brat who should just shut up and do as she's told? Maybe. Is she trying to be helpful? Again, maybe, but I have my doubts. Do I appreciate her being "hands on" (*cough*BS*cough*) and am I learning from her criticism? No. I just resent her being here and entertain thoughts of a helicopter crashing through her window, or terrorists gassing the office while she's in here past 6pm.She obviously hates me. But why? Maybe she thinks I'm really that incompetent. Maybe she's insecure because I'm much more awesome than she is. Maybe she just has a huge stick stuck up her ass and makes it a point to unleash hell on everyone else here (which is unlikely since it only seems like she's out to get me. I've seen how she talks to others and she's not as... cold), but that's how it is. You have to get used to it because that's how it is in the "Corporate World."I think its BS. This so-called "Corporate World" is nothing but a cut-throat competition about who makes more money or who has the better job title. It's all so shallow. Yes, you have all these accomplishments and you're well-compensated for it. It's only right because you've worked hard to get to the top and should be commended for that. You also probably live the lavish lifestyle that goes with it. But it's not for everyone and it sure as hell isn't for me. The way I see it, an 8-5 or 9-6 job is just to pay for the bills and have a bit of money to spend or save for a rainy day. While the corporate lifestyle never appealed to me, the security of having a monthly salary did. I gave up personal satisfaction for the sake of stability. I sometimes regret that.Don't get me wrong. I'm grateful for the job experience and I've learned many valuable things that I'm positive will be helpful in the long run. But I just realized that I'm sacrificing so much to do something that I don't even really like. I'm spending the "best years of my life" cooped up inside this fish tank of an office, typing away in front of a defective computer which always seems to hang thanks to an outdated browser that I can't change because our network doesn't work on anything else. Quite frankly I think it's time for me to move on. I need to pursue something that will keep me and my three-second attention span interested. It all boils down to what it is that I really want to do. Unfortunately I still have no idea but I don't think wasting my time on a job that I can't stand is a wise way of finding out.
So just in case you haven't realized it yet, I am tendering my resignation. Thanks (not) for the memories. Live long and suck it.
When I eventually resigned, I just handed over something nice and polite that I copy-pasted from the internet. I had a good discussion with them prior to leaving and since it's been a while, I think they've addressed the issues and concerns that I (and the many people that resigned before me) brought up. But I'd like to stress that we parted on very good terms and there are no hard feelings. I even showed them this letter and we all laughed about how far we've come since then.
I'm not really sure why I posted this. I guess it just reminded me of how I'm much happier now and that I'm in a better place compared to before.